Family

It's not a question I'm asked much anymore, I haven't been asked it much since I really decided what the answer was, as a matter of fact, but it is a question that I think about quite a bit. That question is "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I don't know when I decided what my answer was, but it's been a while. The answer is quite simply, I want to be a father and a husband. I hate that when people get to know one another they often identify others by their career. I hope and pray that my career does not define who I am, I would much rather be known as a good father and a good husband than as a good lawyer in the future. As important as my career will be, I hope it always takes a back seat to family.

A good friend of mine lost her mother to cancer yesterday. I wish I knew the proper words to say to console her in a time of what I can only imagine is immense grief. Sometimes those who matter most to us are not here as long as we would like them to be. There probably are no words of proper comfort at this time for her. I can only imagine that she always hoped that her mother would be able to see her get married, and to be a grandma... and those dreams are gone now.

On Saturday I got a phone call from my older brother, informing me that my Dad was in the hospital. He had eaten something, they still don't know what, that he had a terrible allergic reaction to. Fortunately my step-sister was near and able to get him to the medical clinic back home before his tongue and throat swelled to a point where he was unable to breathe. I must admit that I thought what it would be like if I lost my Dad. The pain that I feel as I imagine that possibility is great, and so as I think of my friend and her loss I cannot imagine how much she must be struggling. Fortunately, she is a strong woman who is probably better able to deal with loss than I.

I am incredibly fortunate to have the knowledge that I do have. I trust that all will be well in the end, even if I do lose those who are closest to me. Those of you who have heard me talk about my dad know how much I love him, how much I would miss his presence in my life. But I know that he won't be absent from my life, even after his own life here has ended. As I think of my friend and her loss, I know that she has that same understanding. Her mother will be there to see her married and to meet her grandchildren - she just won't be able to see her.

My family means everything to me, and as I decided to move out here the thought that I might miss out on some great events in their lives was one of the more difficult things to think about. I might become an uncle while I was out here, and that would mean I would probably miss out on seeing and getting to know my brothers' and sisters' children until they're a little bit older. I began to cry with joy as I found out that I am going to be an uncle again. And they're going to be great parents! I only wish I could be there... if I can't be a father yet, at least I get to be an uncle.