Life and Love

The other day I decided that I was tired of studying and would try and better organize my pictures on my computer. For a while I worked pretty consistently at scanning a bunch of old pictures and getting pictures into an electronic format, so I have quite a few on the computer. Well, for some reason I decided to see what pictures I had in the trash section of iPhoto and found out that iPhoto just leaves pictures in its trash until you tell it to delete them for good. This means that in my trash I had a whole assortment of old pictures from when Tiffany and I were dating, and a few from when Emilee and I were together (we never took very many pictures).

As I looked at the pictures, old memories came back to me and I remembered what it was like to be in love. It's funny, for so long seeing pictures like that just kind of made me sick to my stomach, now they bring back fond memories instead of pain. I'm glad for that, I'm glad I can think back to those times as the incredibly happy times they were instead of looking back with regret that things didn't work out differently. I loved those girls so much and now I'm just happy that they've found their companions.

Unfortunately, at the same time as I'm able to remember what it was like to be in love and to have that kind of companionship, it makes me yearn all the more to have something like that again. Thinking of my time with Tiffany invariably leads me to think of my dear friends Jimmy and Hillary. Jimmy was in many ways the reason Tiffany and I ever dated at all, and he and Hillary dated at the same time as we did. I remember having conversations with Jimmy late at night as he would talk to me about how he thought he was falling in love with Hillary and how he really didn't want to do that. Funny, how those who aren't really seeking love find it so much easier! The thing I noticed in all those conversations with Jimmy and in later conversations with other close friends is that many people are so afraid of getting hurt that they never really pursue something they truly desire. They're hesitant about putting themselves out on the line.

When Emilee and I broke up the first time I thanked her for breaking my heart. She laughed nervously and asked what on earth I was talking about. That experience of heartbreak was one of the most valuable experiences of my life and taught me more about myself and my emotions than I could have expected. And while I'm not so certain that I gained the same value from subsequent heartbreaks, I can say this - I'm glad I keep jumping and hope I have the courage to jump again. When I think about the dating life I compare it to a young bird learning to fly for the first time - at some point the bird has to jump from a great height and risk crashing to the ground and getting seriously hurt. To many it may not seem worth the risk, but the thing is if the bird doesn't fall then it flies. And the flight is worth all the other risks inherent in jumping, if I've learned one thing it is that no matter how bad heartbreak hurts, it will never hurt as much as being in love pleases.

So, just some random thoughts on the topic. Since we're on the topic I would remind everybody that I've only been here a few weeks, old pictures spurred this post and nothing else! Now for the requisite, this is what I look like this week picture.